Stargate Universe: Are you kidding me?
This is old news, but I found a page online that supposedly lists the character descriptions for Universe. I don’t know if this is authentic, but if it is, it is horrific.
http://stargate-sg1-solutions.com/blog/?p=1619
Character Breakdowns, Stargate Universe 03/09/08
Colonel Everett Young. 40’s handsome, capable, former SG team leader. Like the Jack O’Neill of ten years ago, but Young’s edges have tended to sharpen over time. He requested permission to serve the remainder of his commission on Earth upon marrying his wife, Hailey, two years ago, but for now he’s temporary commander of a secret off world base. The loss of two members of his team several years ago has taught him never to take anything for granted, and be prepared for anything. He stays on top of his team so they stay alive.
Tamara Johanson. 20-25. SGC Field medic, Captain grade. Off world experience. Beautiful, tough, smart, capable. Paramedic level training. Able to triage serious injury. Modest background. Dreamed of being a doctor but couldn’t afford medical school and the Air Force was her best option. She ends up being the most medically inclined person on the ship but is overwhelmed by the lack of knowledge and experience treating seriously wounded and ill patients. She also lacks the medicine and supplies and has to make do.
Cloe Carpenter. 20 ish. Stunning and sexy. Daughter of a U.S. Senator. Silver spoon upbringing and a little spoiled but not stupid either. Politically and socially savvy. Dreams of following in her father’s footsteps but for now she’s a bit of a party girl in her first year at an Ivy League school. Her father’s tragic death and the dire circumstances of being trapped on a spaceship seriously tests her character.
Eli Hitchcock. 20-25. Total slacker. Utter genius. Mathematics, computers, anything he puts his mind to. Acerbic sense of humor. A social outcast. Comes from a broken home. Lacks confidence because his true intelligence has never really been recognized like Matt Damon’s character from Good Will Hunting with a little Jack Black thrown in.
Lt. Jared Nash. 20-25. Junior SGC team member. Officer material but green and rough around the edges. Every teenage girl’s fantasy. Like a college quarterback thrown into his first pro game, he is thrust into the role of leader well before he’s ready for the responsibility and must learn to take command, earn respect through action, and manage the diverse personalities on the ship to keep everyone alive. Like Jason Bourne, he is skilled and well-trained but mentally unprepared for the urgency of the situation.
Ron “Psycho” Stasiak. 20. Marine. Big, strong, silent. You want him on your side. You don’t want him mad at you. Lacks control over his temper in non combat situations. His emotional expression ranges from sarcasm to anger. His past is a mystery but it’s clear something dark formed the hard shell around him. Yet, there must also be some moral center because otherwise he’d kill everyone around him. Think Eric Bana’s character “Hoot” in Blackhawk Down. Adam Baldwin at 20 could play him.
Geez, where to begin. The first character, the one in his 40s, will basically be a parent chaperoning a bunch of kids? *eyeroll* I could understand 1 or 2 of them being young (e.g. taking some recruits on a training mission with some mentors, something going wrong, etc.), but ALL of them? The characters also sound like stereotypes: the sorority girl, the male slacker genius, etc. Would it be too much to ask that they shake things up a little? Like if they HAVE to have a slacker genius, that it be female, for once? Or have the guy be the spoiled brat? I am also offended that 100% of the women have “beautiful” and “sexy” as their character requirements, but only 1 out of 4 of the guys do. (However, one of the guys is described as “Every teenage girl’s fantasy”, so I suppose that physical attractiveness is implied.)
This is not to say that I am opposed to trying to attract younger fans to Stargate. It’s probably good long-term business for Stargate to hook fans when they’re young, so they can grow up (sort of) with the show. Also, I am not opposed to having some younger characters on the show, for variety. But given the level of technical and military expertise that is needed to work on a Stargate mission, and given the level of clearance that someone would need to work on a program like Stargate, young people who are qualified to work on the team should be somewhat rare. Will the mission that strands these characters consist of ALL of the young people in the ENTIRE Stargate program? Also, as Mr. Entity said, this character sounds like Wormhole X-Treme. In 200, they even joked about replacing the main characters with younger versions, and it was portrayed as a really bad idea.
Given the quality of episodes in Season 5 of Atlantis, and given this as a starting point for Universe, I am not excited about the new show at all.
Stargate Atlantis: Tracker (Season 5)
Finally, here’s my review of Tracker!
Given the quality of the previous two episodes Whispers and The Queen, and given the preview of Tracker (Keller gets kidnapped…again[1]?), I had extremely low expectations of this episode.
Anyway, here are some notes I took while I watched the episode.
- While it’s understandable for Sheppard to be surprised that Rodney would volunteer for a humanitarian mission on his day off… in the alternate timeline he experienced in Season 4, alt-Rodney told him that he and Jennifer were in a relationship. So why would Sheppard act surprised, if he should know that Rodney would fall for Jennifer?
- So, Ronon asks why the people on the other planet are sick, and she tells him it’s like an Earth disease, influenza. How does that help Ronon?
- Didn’t we see this episode before? Wasn’t it Missing?
- Did Keller ACTUALLY think she could outrun her captor?
- We’re almost halfway into the episode, and so far, it’s been a lot of walking and chasing. Wow, it’s so exciting and interesting.
- So, Keller has been kidnapped to save the life of a dying child. Again I say, didn’t we see this episode before? Wasn’t it Miller’s Crossing?
- Hmm… a Wraith wandered into the child’s cave. This must be where Ronon shows up. … … … Oh, Keller killed him. My bad.
- Geez, Ronon’s tracking ability borders on a psychic power.
- Umm… Keller is attempting to fight Wraith? With a stick?
I’ll give this one a back-handed compliment: It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it’d be, and towards the end, it got fun. Granted, the first half of the episode, when Keller and her captor, Kiryk, were en route to their destination, was boring. Once Kiryk started opening up, things got more interesting. Kiryk seemed like he has potential to be interesting, and he and Ronon could’ve had some character growth by teaching him how to be “human” again. But we probably won’t see him any more. Alas.
Some people on Usenet pointed out that given the high rate of kidnapping on these missions, Rodney and Ronon absolutely should not have wandered so far away when Keller was treating her patient in private. They also noted that the Wraith seem to be getting easier and easier to kill, if Keller can take one out (referring to the one she stabbed in the cave). However, as the discussion progressed, someone pointed out that a doctor would know a good spot to drive in the knife.
The Rodney/Ronon/Keller situation was a little interesting, although I think Ronon might be exaggerating his interest in Keller to give Rodney a hard time. The episode could’ve been a little more interesting if, when Keller was trying to break up the fight between Kiryk and Ronon, Ronon had accidentally injured Keller. I know that is kind of a cliche. But during the episode, I had no concern for Keller’s well-being at all. I don’t think Keller should’ve been in mortal danger, but I wish the writers had done something to shake things up a little, like putting the characters’ psyches and relationships with each other in danger. Given that Ronon may have some romantic interest in Keller, that certainly would’ve affected their dynamic.
[1] Amusingly, Jewel Staite complained at Comic-Con about getting kidnapped in the woods for a second time.
Snark Attacks: Heroes 303 (One of Us, One of Them)
This post contains SPOILERS regarding season 3’s episode One of Us, One of Them, which aired in the US on September 29, 2008.
As usual, the real post is in the first comment.
Stargate Atlantis Reviews: Whispers and The Queen
I’ve got (belated) reviews of Whispers and The Queen, and I’m not happy. Since my review of The Queen degenerates into a lengthy rant, I’ll put the bulk of my post in the first comment.
Whispers (507): Not awful, but not great. I was disappointed that the characters fell prey to horror movie cliches, like splitting up, wandering off at the peak of danger, and refusing to follow orders when sternly told to stay inside and lock the door. Also, there was a Pegasus human civilian whom they met upon arrival, he disappeared for a while, showed up later, and then died horribly. How did he survive in the interim? I think it would’ve been funny if the tough solder, Sgt. Dusty Wells (Mr. Entity called her “Rambette”), developed a crush on Dr. Beckett. Imagine him squirming uncomfortably as she hit on him. Heh.
The episode’s biggest flaw was that it was dull.
I have one small gripe: I find it completely out of character that Sheppard didn’t know he had all-female team. 
My first thought was that Sheppard would’ve noticed all those attractive women in one place. But the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me that Sheppard was ignorant about his teams, in general. First, given the high (government) classification of the Stargate program, there “should” be only a small pool of people to draw from, so it’s not like there’d be a lot of unfamiliar faces. Second, given the various threats that Atlantis faces, it’s important to know who both is and ISN’T supposed to be there; unfamiliar faces, teams, etc., should raise red flags. Ahh well…
The Queen (508): Let me put it to you this way. Mr. Entity, who is much more tolerant of less-than-great episodes than I am, said several times, “This is dumb.”
This episode had numerous problems.
(See the comments for more…)
Snark Attacks: Heroes 301 and 302
[It should go without saying that this post contains SPOILERS about Heroes episodes 301 and 302.]
Maybe I will make “Snark Attacks” a regular “feature” on The Boringest Site. As the inaugural (and perhaps final?) Snark Attacks entry, I present a snarky critique of the premier of Heroes Season 3.
Before I begin, I should clarify something: I don’t dislike the show. I’m not a huge fan of it (I don’t care for its the soap opera aspects and general campiness), but I don’t dislike it. I kid because I care! 
However, if Mr. Entity didn’t watch it, I would not watch it either.
I should also disclose that I saw episode #1 when it premiered at Comic-Con, so I’ve had all summer to sharpen my snark.
Now, with that out of the way… I’m going to include my snarky review in a comment, to ease the eyes of tag surfers, since this post is really long.
Bloglets
Check out this Daily Show Video.
This is a great example of why I hate partisan politics and so-called “news” shows. So, when Jamie Lynn Spears gets pregnant, her parents are pinheads, but when a Republican politican’s underage daughter gets pregnant, it is a family matter? And Tim Kaine would’ve been less qualified to be a vice presidential candidate, given that he has been governor for more time than Palin and was mayor of a town that is larger than the town Palin was mayor of? Riiiiight.
On the drive home… both Rock 105.3 and 91X were playing the world premier of the new Metallica song on the “Metallica radio network” (ugh). I retreated to the Jack FM station, which played Googoo Dolls’ “Name” (mmm… 90s angst) followed by Poison’s “Unskinny Bop” (mmm… aqua net).
